I am getting really good at this gift card thing.
Hot chocolate never made me sad before.
It was the really nice expensive hot chocolate too. Too good to be sad about, really.
But when I got into bed with it it reminded me of Jerome and nights when he can’t sleep I make hot chocolate and snacks, and we read,or show dumb internet pictures to each other, or play some multiplayer 3DS game…
…and I really miss it.
We found a rental house that sounds really good. I saw some pictures, it’s cute! They accept all pets including pit bulls! Nice price too!
I really, really hope we get it. I need this to work out.
Jerome is going to set up a time to look at the place tomorrow.
I’m so nervous/anxious I dunno what to do right now. Please, please, please work out.
23:00- Move to bedroom. It’s cool and crisp, thanks to open window. Perfect for making a cuddle pile and finishing my book.
00:40- Finish book. Delay bedtime by playing with dogs. Bury sleeping dogs in Jerome’s blankets.
01:05- Random headache that seemed to hit super suddenly. Mild anxiety attack that was triggered by headache, but I can’t determine the cause of.
01:15- Regain brain function. Get Tylenol. Take along with melatonin and valerian. Cross fingers that pain relief and/or sleep come quickly.
A long time ago I would get so overwhelmed with anxiety that I couldn’t decide what to eat, or get up to make food. I would just sit there panicking and starving, though usually not thinking too much about the starving part.
After some time, Jerome would see these times and just put food in front of me. It worked. Plus I would usually calm down at least a little because food is helpful.
[For] Now, Jerome is gone. At first I wasn’t sure what to do when I go so upset I couldn’t eat, even though I knew eating would likely help. It took me a little bit, but finally I figured out of I ask someone to pick my food and give a list of options I can get up and make it.
I guess having a clear goal in mind can really help.
Also: I suppose you can call this progress.
Recently (perhaps due to extra loneliness with Jerome being across the country and all) I find myself becoming more active in a lot more places on the internet. Some places, (like Twitter and Instagram) I was active once before, and some are new. So, if you can’t get enough of me here on Tumblr, here’s a handy list: